THE REVERSE THAMES LOOP

25th June - 9th July 2011

Saturday 25th June (overcast in the morning, but sunny and warm in the afternoon)

• The crew met at Alan's House at 8:30 where after loading their belongings into Neil's super new car, they set off at the start of their incredible journey into the dangerous tidal Thames.  There were scenes of sadness as their loved ones waved them goodbye, not knowing whether they would ever see them again!!   Neil's new Merc swiftly and comfortably transported them to Sainsburys in Rugby where after refreshing coffee, with bacon butties, (except Alan), they proficiently procured the necessary porridge rations together with smoked mackerel fillets and other healthy foods to sustain them during the difficult times ahead.
   

  The crew, on arriving at the boatyard, were anxious to join the "Narrowboat Simone" which had been allocated to the crew for the next 2 weeks.  However they were required to wait whilst the staff made the final preparations of the boat to ensure their safe passage.  Knowing that, that afternoon, they had to negotiate the difficult waters passed the Braunston Festival , with it's hundreds of moored boats as well as 6 locks and the infamous Braunston tunnel, they felt the need to participate in a beer and enjoyed a single pint with bowls of strength generating chips in a nearby establishment.

   

• On return to the boatyard the staff welcomed the crew and quickly waved all usual formalities of boat training necessary for other less experienced boaters.  After loading their belonging on boat Ron gently guided the narrowboat out of the marina turning sharp right onto the Grand Union Canal at 2pm.

  Disaster occurred when a narrowboat in front, (with inexperienced crew) became wedged across the canal.

  The crew a narrowboat ahead of us panicked and the crew immediately abandoned ship, which promptly sank.  This did not perturb the experienced crew who carefully negotiated their way round the obstacle.

   

• The canal was busy as they approached Braunston where the Annual Narrowboat Festival was in full swing.  Passage through Braunston was closed to all but the most experienced narrowboaters.

  The crew realised that passage past the Festival boats would be difficult, if not impossible.

  Crowds built up to see the crew find their way through the near impossible conditions

  A Marshall boarded the boat pleading with the crew to abandon any attempt to get through, but Alan refused to listen and using a cunning plan decided to take an unusual route through the Marina to join the canal passed the obstruction.

  Much to the amazement of the crowds, the Narrowboat Simone successfully passed the Braunston Festival, but was immediately faced with a flight of 6 locks and then the feared Braunston Tunnel (2042 Yds).  However, despite having to pass two other narrowboats, with inexperienced crew, in the narrow tunnel, Alan guided the boat out at the far end and they quickly prepared to moor for the evening just before Norton Junction.

   

• After mooring and showering the crew hurried to The New Inn situated adjacent to Top Lock No 7.  Here they celebrated their successful, but difficult, first afternoon, with several pints of Old Hooky.   Dinners of Gammon with Pineapple and Egg (except Ron) were enjoyed before the crew returned to the narrowboat.  However, they knew that many locks and further tunnels lay ahead of them on the torturous journey to London.   Sleep came easy for the exhausted crew.

Sunday 26th June (Very Hot and Sunny all day)

• The crew were up at 7:30 and quick to consume Neil's Placid Porridge.  The flight of 7 seven locks were swiftly and efficiently negotiated, despite a small craft ahead leaving the gates open and paddles up in an inconsiderate manner.
   

  Passing Gayton Junction indicated to the world the crew's commitment to undertake the dangerous mission, as this alternative route would have taken them away from danger.  Alan took an opportunity to report their progress to the media with a live link up the radio on "Steve France's" Sunday Lunch show.

   

•  The crew calculated that Stoke Bruerne, their planned stopping point, would be reached by 3-30, but were keen to get ahead of schedule and maybe reach Cosgrove, but were only too aware that this would require them to traverse the Blissworth Tunnel (3057 Yds).  The crew chose to disregard the rumours of imminent collapse of the tunnel, as they knew the success of their entire mission counted on getting through this obstacle.   Putting this at the back of their minds, Ron quickly prepared a nourishing lunch of Pork Pie, with pickle, chicken slices, salad and coleslaw with hard boiled egg.
   

  As they approached the Tunnel, Alan contacted Network Rail, who agreed to stop the passage of all trains in the area, so as to reduce any vibration that might cause the tunnel to collapse.  Trains on the West Coast Main Line could be seen stationary as the tunnel came into view

  The crew were alarmed to see the state of the tunnel as they entered, with horrible coloured water entering the tunnel, but the crew continued showing little distress.

  The crew could not believe their eyes when a flickering boat light came towards them.  It was obvious that another boat with brave fearless crew were taking advantage of the trainless conditions.

  Crowds gathered at Stoke Bruerne on exiting the tunnel, to welcome the crew to relative safety, but the crew were only too aware that far more dangerous conditions lay ahead of them.  However, Alan quickly visited a canalside shop and purchased 3 Magnums (Ecuador Cocoa variety), which greatly calmed the crews troubled nerves.

   

• After the rapid descent of the Stoke Locks the crew entered a long lockless stretch of the canal, where they were able to consider the events of the day and wonder how the stress of the journey was affecting their loved ones.  Time went on and the crew wondered whether they might ever see Cosgrove before darkness.
   

• With extreme effort the crew made exceptional time on their journey arriving opposite 'The Navigation Inn' at 5-30pm.  The crew wondered whether they should have continues on to the Barley Mow, so without hesitation they set off on foot to investigate.  After a mile down the footpath the crew could see the Barley Mow, but were not certain what route was the quickest to get their.  Against Neil's better judgement the road walk was chosen and after some concern they arrived at the establishment.
   

  The Barley Mow turned out to be an Everards establishment and the crew found it necessary to test 2 pints of their Tiger Ale, whilst sitting in the garden.

  On leaving The Barley Mow the crew cunningly located a short cut back to the boat which involved a hidden tunnel beneath the canal.  The crew were not afraid of the dark dank tunnel, which had been hidden for hundreds of years from the locals.

   

• DISASTER OCCURRED - On returning to the boat, showering and readying themselves for an evening of food and entertainment, the crew arrived at The Navigation Inn and ordered a round of drinks, only to be told that on Sunday nights the last food order was at 7pm.  Panic struck the crew who quickly investigated all the possible alternatives.  Returning to The Barley Mow was ruled out as they finished serving food at 8pm.  A Taxi to nearby Stony Stratford was considered, but rejected in favour of returning to the boat for a healthy dinner of Hot Dogs followed by a Chicken salad with their last rations of Pork Pie, with Pickles Onions.  The food was much enjoyed by the crew who on returning to The Navigation Inn were further horrified to find last orders on a Sunday being at 10pm.  The crew resigned themselves to an early night, but enjoyed Cheese and Biscuits before retiring to their bunks.  Sleep fell easy to the tired crew after their first full day on-board 'Narrowboat Simone'.
   

Monday 27th June (Very Hot and Sunny all day)

• The crew were anxious to rise to partake in Neil's priceless and peaceful porridge.  They set off at 8:10 towards the centre of Cosgrove ready to operate the first lock. 
   

  The crew marvelled at the ornate bridge in Cosgrove, that was rumoured to have been built in honour of their historic journey.

   

• Another narrowboat, with inexperienced crew, who were filling with water in Cosgrove, asked if they could share the lock, as it was obvious to the crew that they were unsure how to operate the complex machinery.  However, the crew really knew that they were scared to attempt the crossing the giant Great Ouse Aqueduct without the benefit of an experienced boat with them.
   

  The compassionate, but cunning crew allowed the other narrowboat across the dangerous Great Ouse aqueduct first, in case of collapse, knowing that a 60ft drop might jeopardise their mission.

   

• The crew considered stopping in Old Wolverton, where they knew a large Tesco store existed to top-up the now exhausted supplies of Pork Pie, but bravely they decided to continue with food stocks remaining at a low level.   The crew also realised that their fresh water supplies were at a dangerously low level and members of the crew tasked to look out for canalside taps!!
   

  The village of Stonebridge were so proud to have the now famous 'Narrowboat Simone' pass through their midst, that they provided a Police escort to ensure that no stray females boarded the boat.  This was greatly appreciated by the humbled crew.

  The lock at Fenny Stratford proved impassable by numerous boats, as it had a giant bridge located in the centre of the lock.  However, the crew soon found that by using their immense strength to raise the locking pin and superhuman effort to rotate it out of the way, the canal again became navigable, much to the great appreciation of all the locals.  The crew were unperturbed by this and immediately moored to prepare a healthy lunch of Smoked Mackerel fillets, salad with pickled onions and salad cream.

  Whilst they were finishing their meal the appreciative locals quickly rigged up a hose and offering to fill their depleted fresh water tank.  The crew were grateful for this kind action.

  The giant and feared Soulbury flight of locks came only too quickly for the crew, but the complex locking procedures proved easy for the skilled crew, who completed them in record time, much to the amazement of the locals watching in the local pub.  The crew declined to give autographs, so as to hide their true identities.

   

• Cunningly the crew located on the charts a Tesco supermarket in Leighton Buzzard and a plan was set to procure health fresh food and a Pork Pie, before continuing to their planned stopping point for the evening at "Grove Lock".
   

  DISASTER STRUCK On leaving Soulbury Locks an abandoned wayward narrowboat, which had slipped its moorings blocked the canal, but as can be seen here the crew merely pushed it out of the way, leaving other appreciative boaters on the towpath to re-secure it.

   

• A further number of locks were swiftly passed before Narrowboat Simone was guided into mooring adjacent to Tesco in Leighton Buzzard.  Alan and Neil were dispatched to procure bread, smoked mackerel fillets, salad, pork pie and eggs.  The captain also considered that the crew should be rewarded by further Magnums.
   

• DISASTER STRUCK AGAIN - when on opening the sealed triple box of Magnums, only two were inside!!!!   Gallantly Neil agreed to forgo his Magnum in favour of fresh cherries.
   

• The narrowboat continued onward from Leighton Buzzard ready to moor at Grove Lock, where the crew were hoping to get their first hot meal for 2 days.  The distance and conditions made arrival before last meal orders impossible.
   

  Knowing that reaching the Grove Lock Inn before sundown was impossible, they decided to deploy their secret weapon, "The Rutland 913 Turbo Accelerator"  Full power was carefully selected by Ron and the narrowboat soon reached alarming speeds. In a very short time, much to the relief of the crew the Grove Lock Inn came into view and they knew their hot dinner had been saved, thanks again to their trusted "Rutland 913"

   

• The crew hurried to test the ales and found London Pride very acceptable, but at £3-30 a pint they found it a little difficult to swallow.  Fullers ESP at £3-50 a pint was tried by Neil and Alan, but the girly glasses, it was served in, proved unacceptable.
   

• After showers and preparation the crew returned later for their first hot dinner for 2 days.  The beefburger with cheese and trimmings proved too much for most of the crew and in their exhausted state the crew returned to the boat, unable to participate in Cheese and Biscuits.  Although tired, Neil remained worried about the noise for the nearby West Coast Rail line running nearby, but retired to his bunk contemplating the testing two days ahead of them, with over 60 giant double locks to negotiate.

Tuesday 28th June (Light rain and damp in the morning, with some heavy rain during the afternoon)

• All the crew, except Alan and Ron, were awoken at an early hour by the trains and rose at a very early hour anxious to travel through Grove lock to continue their difficult mission.  Alan was dispatched to empty the lock to allow a rapid passage, whilst Neil prepared plentiful precarious pugilistic porridge.  The narrowboat gently left its mooring before 7:30 rapidly passing 2 locks before the world had awoken.  The feared Marsworth Junction lay several hours ahead of them, but they remain calm in the difficult conditions.
   

  CHAOS AT MARSWORTH JUNCTION As predicted there was severe chaos at Marsworth junction where a narrowboat, with inexperience crew, tried desperately to reverse out of the way of the oncoming 'Narrowboat Simone'.  Due to the immense skill of the intrepid crew, little delay was incurred.

   

• Although Berkhamstead as a destination for the day seem reasonable, the crew felt that Hemel Hempstead would be possible even though it would mean operating 36 locks.  However, the crew were confident that this ambitious target was achievable.
   

  Bulbourne Junction, where the Wendover Arm starts, was passed with little trauma and the relentless Lock after Lock routine failed to demoralise the brave crew.

   

• Heavy rain with thunder started during the afternoon and Ron realised that the moral of the crew needed to be lifted.  He quickly prepared sausage sandwiches, followed by bacon & egg sandwiches, much to the appreciation of the hungry crew.
   

  DANGER AT TRING A freak current caused by the extreme weather conditions caused Neil to end up in the bushes.  However, the crew did not allow this minor matter to distract from the focused destination for the evening.

   

• The remaining locks through to Hemel Hempstead were completed with little effort by the experienced crew.  They moored adjacent to "The Fishery" public house and quickly prepared themselves for an evening of relaxation and entertainment.   After showers Neil and Alan did complex calculations and considered that with the extreme distances travelled today, catching the Friday morning tide from Limehouse may be possible, but only if there are no more disasters!!!
   

• The crew hurried to "The Fishery" for an evening of food and drink.  The atmosphere in the establishment met with the crew approval.  Spitfire ale at £3 / pint proved acceptable and the crew all chose Beer Batter Fish with wedge potatoes, served with several sauces.  All agreed that the food was to a high standard which matched the busy restaurant.
   

• The crew returned to boat at a very early hour and after watching a little Wimbledon on the 10pm news, with a small quantity of Cheese and Biscuits, the crew retired to their bulks contemplating the successes of the day.  Another early start to a further long day was inevitable as the crew attempted to get to sleep, still troubled by the traumas of their expedition to date.   Success, although within their grasp, still required more superhuman effort on their part.  Could their bodies stand the stress? 

Wednesday 29th June (Warm, dry with lots of sun)

• The crew again awoke at an early hour anxious to cast off, but Neil refused to allow this until they had consumed their rations of phenomenally powerful porridge.  The narrowboat left its moorings at 7:45am, stopping relentlessly every 1/2 mile to pass yet another heavy large lock.  Soon Hemel Hempstead was a distant memory as Kings Langley and Abbots Langley passed by.
   

• Passing boaters spoke of dangerous narrowboat eating animals in the undergrowth that would jump out on unsuspecting boaters, but the brave crew choose to ignore these stories.
   

  The crew showed no visible fear as they passed beneath the giant M25, knowing that they were now in Greater London.  However they secretly knew that the tidal Thames lay only 2 days ahead of them and this prayed heavily on their minds.

  DISASTER STRUCK ONCE AGAIN when a giant narrowboat eating monster loomed out of a nearby lake.  However, the experienced crew were ready for such an dangerous event and quickly deployed their trusted Rutland 913 turbo accelerator, speeding the boat away from the gnashing jaws of the monster.

  Just when the crew thought they were out of danger they passed nearby a man eating heron, but luckily it was not hungry.   Quickly Neil prepared for the crew a nourishing salad lunch with small portions of pork pie and orange juice, to calm the crew's nerves.

  The journey onward continued relentlessly, passing even more giant locks, with a total of 26 passed before reaching their planned destination of Uxbridge.

  Picturesque cottages and strange hanging poles were passed on their relentless, but incredible journey

  The crew were quick to recognise 'The Coy Carp' and they reminisced memories of their previous Grand Union Canal trip in 2009, when they stopped at this very establishment after successfully completing a forward transition of the tidal Thames.   However, they were only too aware that the even more dangerous reverse transition was only just over a day away !!!

   

• During the afternoon, Alan telegraphically communicated with Limehouse Marina and booked their passage onto the tidal Thames at 11:30am on Friday 1st July.  The other members of the crew secretly considered that this was a rash decision to have made at such an early stage, knowing the immense distances still to travel, but said nothing to each other.
   

• Rickmansworth, Harefield and Croxley Green were all passed without event and in silence, but they strove to reach Uxbridge using all available effort. Temporarily stopping near Cowley, an advance party was sent to search for suitable mooring locations.  The party quickly advised that both the Malt Shovel, adjacent to Cowley Lock, and mooring afterwards met with the crews exacting requirements.  The narrowboat was brought forward through the Cowley Lock and moored.  The crew showered, then hurried to the establishment, where they enjoyed healthy Fish Pie dinners without chips, together with a number of pints of Sharps Doom Bar ale.
   

• On returning to the boat the crew discussed how, in just one remaining day, they might reach Little Venice in London, let alone Limehouse, but they had faith in their leader and captain and therefore said nothing.  Sleep did not come easily to the troubled crew.
   

Thursday 30th June (Another warm and sunny day)

• The crew awoke and rose before 6:15am, in anticipation of the long and difficult journey into the centre of the City.  Neil prepared particularly pleasant porridge, before the crew set off at 6:50 on the last and most difficult section of their journey into the centre of London.  The Slough Arm was passed with minimum stress and Alan guided the narrowboat onwards through Yiewsley, West Drayton and eventually Hayes.
   

  The extremely tight turn into the Paddington Arm, at 'Bulls Bridge Junction' was accomplished with ease, despite an rapidly approaching Wide Beam boat at great speed.

  The crew were horrified to find large quantities of floating pond weed !!!  However, the crew continued regardless knowing that this might endanger their mission.

   

• Cunningly the crew located a Sainsbury's store at Alperton, where they felt they could also top-up their fresh water supplies.  Ron was dispatched to procure cherry tomatoes, grapes and bananas, whilst the others searched for the water point.  Disaster occurred when the water point could not be located, which was clearly shown on the charts.  This caused the troubled crew a dilemma!!   Should they continue when water could run out at any time.  Neil reassured the crew by reminding them that he had stashed a secret supply of Harrogate Spring Water within the boat and therefore saved the mission.
   

  The crew were overjoyed to reach Little Venice where they turned onto the Regents Canal through the Heart of the City.

  The Maida Vale tunnel was traversed with ease before the narrowboat had to pass through the centre of London Zoo

  The crew marvelled at the Chinese Pagoda restaurant, as Alan battled with the tiller to steer the narrowboat toward the very pleasant Camden Locks

  Crowds awaited the arrival of the now famous Narrowboat and Crew at Camden Locks.

  A glimpse of the new St Pancras station was seen as the narrowboat headed onward on its historic journey.

  The 1000m Angel Tunnel caused the crew little concern.

  The crew caught their first glimpse of Canary Wharf as they passed a strange chimney by the canal.

   

• The narrowboat arrived in Limehouse Marina at 5pm after their historic journey and quickly moored on the limited visitor moorings
   

  The crew were alarmed to watch an incoming narrowboat with inexperienced crew ram the wall attempting to gain entry into Limehouse Lock.  This brought back memories from 2 years ago when the crew did the same journey in 'Text Book' manner.

   

• Mark (Alan's son) and Ann-Marie (Mark's girlfiend) arrived at 6:15, bearing gifts for the brave crew of Pork Pies.  They suggested that the crew should travel to Canary Wharf where a special reception had been laid on for the crew.
   

  Boris had arranged for Cheer Leaders to welcome the crew to London where they were awarded the 'Freedom of the City'.

   

• Much merrymaking, including Mexican Food and a visit to the historic riverside 'Prospect of Whitby' continued until a late hour and the crew almost forgot that the most dangerous section of the journey "The Tidal Thames" was booked at 11:30am the following morning!!!
   

Friday 1st July TIDAL THAMES DAY (Another hot and sunny day)

• The crew slept in until 8:30 before nervously rising and taking small mouthfuls of Neil's pensive porridge.  They lay around afterwards rarely speaking as the minutes ticked away before 11:30 when they knew that they must face the full force of the Tidal Thames.  Much strength was gained by Ron's toasted bacon sandwiches, just minutes before they started their engine and headed for the giant rotating lock gates, which was all that was stopping the tidal waters from overwhelming them.
   

  Ron gently nosed the narrowboat out of the lock, sounding the horn for 5 seconds to advise other river users of their presence.  Alan radioed through to The Port of London VTS (Vessel Traffic Services), whilst sealing the front doors, against leakage. The Lock keeper wished them 'God Speed' as their adventure reached a critical knifepoint.

  Ron pointed the narrowboat towards the giant arches of Tower Bridge, as the crew took a few seconds to admire HMS Belfast with the new 'Shard' skyscraper behind

  Ron and Alan are proud of the progress so far, but instinctively know that they are far from out of danger.

  Quickly a Port of London launch pulled alongside desperately trying to persuade the crew to turn back, but they refused.

  The conditions were so bad that even the mighty 'Clippers' moored up, keeping the river free for the narrowboat mission

  The Metropolitan Police provided an escort through some of the difficult waters,  but as they were unable to stand the strain for too long, they departed to safer waters .

  Big Ben showed the time as 12:18pm as the flag on Victoria Tower was raised in their honour.

  Armed Police were deployed to ensure the safety of the narrowboat and Alan's work colleagues in the Houses of Parliament sent electronic messages of encouragement.

  Sightseeing buses were laid on and the giant London Eye stopping rotating in recognition of the historic passage

   

• As stress levels reached alarming levels, Alan prepared coffees with extra Hobnob's (Milk Choclolate variety).  Life on board seemed a little easier from now.
   

  MI6 is put on full standby, but the mission caused them no concern

  Some well-wishers on the bank fearing for the lives of the crew called the Fire and Rescue services, but the hardened narrowboater's dismissed their offers of help.

   

• As the narrowboat passed under Hammersmith Bridge, they knew that success was within their grasp.  Quickly Neil prepared a salad lunch with some of Mark's excellent pork pies, taken with energy releasing Cup-a-Soups, which were consumed 'on the move' by the experienced crew.
   

• The waters became calmer passing Putney and by the time they passed Richmond and Eel Pie Island in Twickenham, life became bearable again.  The lockkeeper at Teddington was greatly relieved to open the lock gates to welcome the crew at the end of the Tidal Thames section.  He awarded them all Ice Lolly Pops as he charged them £151-50 for the Thames Water licence.

  With the narrowboat safely moored (at a cost of £6) at an incredible 5pm, the crew relaxed, but the strain of the journey proved too much for Ron, as he fell into a deep relaxing sleep in the very middle of the Murray v Nadal match.

   

• DANGER - Alan realised that the taps were bubbling with air indicating critically low fresh water levels.   The crew were alarmed to realise that no water had been taken on board since Hemel Hempstead!!!  The next available water was at Molesey Lock, just past Hampton Court.  The crew therefore took 'economical' showers and headed off for an evening of entertainment into Teddington.
   
• Dinners of Gammon, Curry and Steak were chosen by the crew.  Their relaxed state, after the traumas of the day, allowed them consume more ale than was usual.  Abbots Ale in the Tide End Cottage with their dinners, followed by some London Pride in the busy Anglers, where private parties were being held in recognition of the crew's incredible performance.
   
• The crew returned to their narrowboat moored opposite the Thames Television studios, where they noticed that all the cameras had been turned to follow their progress.   Sleep was difficult for the crew as they were acutely aware that they had moored directly opposite the giant Teddington weirs, but although they remained confident of their knots, they knew that fresh water supplies were about to expire!!!

Saturday 2nd July (Yet another hot and sunny day)

• In their exhausted state, the crew slept in until 8am, rising to the smell of Neil's pulsating porridge.  They set off towards Kingston upon Thames, when Alan was requested to report their progress, with a live link-up to 'The Grumpy Old Men Show" on Tempo FM.
   

  The crew are despondent that the mission may fail due only to their lack of fresh water and searched in vain!!

  The crew spot Dave Gilmour's houseboat (of Pink Floyd fame), as they pass Hampton, still desperately looking for water supplies.

  Soon they enter Molesey Lock, knowing that if no water can be found they would have to give up their mission and declare defeat!!!

  MISSION SAVED Triumphantly crew locate water supplies and considerable time is expended filling the tanks up to the very brim. Satisfied the crew waste no time in preparing a health salad lunch with the last of Mark's pork pie.

   

• The mission continues as they pass Sunbury, Shepperton, Chertsey and Bell Weir locks, stopping only for soft ice cream cornets at Penton Hook lock (with 99's).   A quick stop is made at Staines where they cunningly locate a mooring spot on a dangerous corner, to visit Sainsburys.  Neil executes the mooring procedure with precision, much to the amazement of the locals who were all watching.  Alan and Ron procure Marmalade, Porridge, Bread, Milk and Hobnobs, together with other health giving items.
   

• Windsor had been identified as a suitable stopping point, but at 5pm, there was still a considerable distance to travel including 2 more giant locks.  They decided that with full water tanks and ample Hobnob supplies they were invincible and continued onwards at full speed.

  As the narrowboat approached Windsor it was obvious that there was a party atmosphere, to welcome the narrowboat.

  Mooring was limited at Windsor, but the crew cunningly found a hidden spot with easy access to the river in case of the need for a rapid getaway.

   

• The crew hurried to the crowded Crown and Castle (Wetherspoons) where they enjoyed Abbots Ale at a mere £2-35.  Dinners of Mixed Grill and Steak also proved good value and wholesome.  A walk round the town in the warm condition was beneficial with a further pint of Doombar at the Carpenters Arms before returning to the boat for well deserved rest.
   

Sunday 3rd July (Yet another hot and sunny day)

• The crew awoke early, alarmed to find crowds of people both around the boat and in the water.  It was felt that an invasion was likely and therefore Neil quickly prepared potent plucky porridge, which the crew consumed with gusto.
   

  The crew defended the narrowboat from the hundreds of swimmers, which seeing the firepower available to crew, just swam on past, almost as if they were in a race, but only the crew knew the truth.

   

• After the stress of defending the narrowboat, they set off, continuing on their historic journey, a little later that planned at 9-30am.  Further locks were negotiated with ease as the lockkeepers were expecting their arrival.
   

  Passing the Monkey Island Hotel in Bray the hoteliers were disappointed that the crew had insufficient time to call in, even though they had decorated the landing stage especially.

  DANGER The crew were quick to notice a enemy spyboat, disguised as a dingy, trying to overtake them and gain advantage.  Appropriate action was taken by the crew and the boat was accurately deflected into the undergrowth.

   

• Neil realising that Pork Pie rations must be preserved, was quick to prepare lunch with sliced ham, together with refreshing Orange Juice with sparkling Harrogate Spring Water.  The crew were grateful for this sustenance, which they knew would help them through the difficult waters ahead.

  The compassionate crew were relieved to see that a Coot had successfully nested on a lock access ladder and kept their distance.

  CHAOS AT HURLEY LOCK The crew could not believe the congestion when leaving this lock caused by hoards of well wishers.  Unwittingly though they were hindering their progress and if this was to continue, might jeopardise the entire mission.  Tea with Hobnobs was called for and quickly remedied the situation.

   

• Progress remained good for the skilled crew as they continued towards their planned stopping point for an evening at Henley, whilst Alan again updated the media with another live link-up with Tempo FM

  Wishing to surprise the people of Henley, they looked for a mooring point above Hambleden Lock and found this difficult.  However, using their considerable skills they cunningly located a tree stump which would allow them access to the boat when moored away from the bank.  They were proud of this achievement.

   

• They quickly set off on foot to walk the 2½ miles to Henley, so as to surprise the locals.

  As the crew came round the corner they were amazed to discover that an enormous Regatta had been put on on honour of the crew's historic journey.  Thousands of people were celebrating and the streets were busy.

   

• The crew enjoyed a number of pints of Brakspear Ale in a riverside establishment before taking Gammon dinners (Except Alan) at the Wetherspoon Hotel.  Much merrymaking continued until almost 10pm, before the crew set off on the 2½ mile walk back the the narrowboat.
   
• So exhausted were the crew after their difficult day that they retired immediately after a coffee to their bunks having studied the options for the following day's target.  The crew drifted to sleep thinking of all the parties still going on in Henley.

Monday 4th July (Yet another hot and sunny day)

• The crew awoke early instinctively planning their next arduous day on board.  Neil's pure, perfect and productive porridge stirred them into action and they cast off on their incredible journey towards the Hambleden Lock at a remarkable speed.
   

  DISASTER AT HAMBLEDEN LOCK The crew were alarmed to discover that the lockkeeper had failed to turn up this morning to aid the passage of the narrowboat through the lock.  They felt that this was probably the result of too much merrymaking on his part the night before. However, Alan and Neil, quickly analysed the complex hydraulic machinery and fathomed a method of bypassing the control equipment.  Quickly the gates opened and again the crew had saved the mission

  Strange tented villages and decorated buildings adorned the river and the crew wondered how the Henley folk lived, but dismissed it from their minds.

  The crew noticed that giant lookout points had been constructed close to Henley Bridge.  They considered that this must be part of Henley's defence system against unwanted boats.

  The cunning crew did not want to let the fresh water fall to dangerous levels and therefore stopped after Shiplake Lock to replenish their tanks.  Everything remained calm in the boat and the crew were relaxed for the first time since setting off.

  DANGER However, even in their relaxed state they did not fail to notice the highly armed Mafia boat creeping into Sonning lock, behind them.  They acted as if they did not notice, but secretly their plans to deal with this threat were at an advanced stage.

   

• On leaving the lock and turning the corner, so as to not alarm the locals, they executed their plans and the threat was no more.  Details of how this was actioned cannot be detailed for fear of upsetting the squeamish.  To regain the composure of the crew the Captain awarded them "Strawberry Split" ice lollies at the next lock.

  As the boat passed Reading the crew moored briefly to obtain further supplies of Beetroot, Salad and Pickled Onion from the local Tesco.  As the moral of the crew was at a low ebb after the events at Sonning, the captain agreed to a lunch of Hot Dogs with French Mustard followed by fresh Fruit Salad.

   

• Life again fell into a relaxed state, but the crew remain vigilant again any further mission critical threats.   Due to the incredible progress that the narrowboat was achieving, the destination for the evening was revised from Goring to Wallingford.  The crew gritted their teeth and continued at full speed.
   

  As the boat approached Wallingford it was obvious that great skill and ingenuity would be required to moor in the cramped and busy conditions.  Mooring was accomplished with great accuracy on the tree lined bank, after which the crew showered and hurried to the town selecting 'The Boathouse' for their riverside ale, which also boasted a 'two dinners for £10' offer.

   

• DISASTER occurred on entering the pub when the thirsty crew were advised that the pub had run out of real ale!!!!  Indignantly the crew immediately turned and left, instead calling in at The George Hotel where the crew finally enjoyed very pleasant Courage Bitter, at £2-50, in the courtyard.  Seafood Curry caught the crew's imagination on the menu and was greatly enjoyed before the crew set off for further excitement in Wallingford.
   
• The Dolphin proved interesting, but they soon left finding instead "The Old Post Office", which had been recently refurbished and was quite busy, for the Monday night.  Wychwoods 'Hobgoblin' was on offer and enjoyed, although rather expensive at £3-50!!
   
• Small portions of cheese with just a few biscuits were consumed back on board, but the crew were quiet and thoughtful knowing that on Wednesday morning they would be leaving the relative safety of the Thames, via the infamous and feared "Dukes Cut" !!!  The crew retired to their bunks early, at an incredible 10:30, but lay awake contemplating the successes and difficulties of the mission to date.

Tuesday 5th July (Started hot and sunny, but rain threatened for the afternoon)

• The crew awoke and rose at a very early hour, anxious to get to Oxford before the threatened rain started.  Neil's poignant, peaceful porridge calmed the crew before casting off, at 7:50, to reach Benson Lock in only a few minutes.  Despite the lockkeeper having not yet started his shift, Ron was able to operate the heavy machinery to allow the passage of the craft onwards along the upper reaches of the Thames.
   

  MAJOR PROBLEM Progress of the narrowboat was severely hindered by a holiday craft ahead, with inexperience crew, weaving from side to side on the river.  Plans were made for a daring overtaking manoeuvre, but just in time the craft pulled over to allow the superior craft through.

  Great caution was exercised, by the skilled crew, as the narrowboat gently inched past the giant water intake for Didcot Power Station.   No disaster occurred.

  The crew marvelled at the picturesque Abingdon as they passed through in the brilliant sunshine

  Narrowboat 'Simone' looked resplendent in the sunshine as they again filled with water and disposed of their rubbish, just after Abingdon Lock. Surely their could be no more disasters to threaten the success of their groundbreaking mission.

  The crew decided that life was so idyllic that they would take their salad lunch, on the bank, comprising small portions of pork pie, hard boiled egg, but with added beetroot and pickled onions, together with pure orange juice (extra juicy bits version) mixed with Harrogate Spring Water.   Life is good for the crew of Narrowboat 'Simone'.

   

• The crew instinctively knew that reaching their destination, before Folly Bridge in Oxford, was achievable and relaxed knowing that nothing could go wrong.
   
• A DISASTER OCCURRED when the heavens opened and rain beat against the roof of the narrowboat!!!   However, the crew took this in their stride and guided the boat easily and efficiently through 'Iffley Lock' to the complete amazement of the lockkeeper.
   
• They moored before Folly Bridge at an incredible 3pm, breaking all known records.  The rain promptly stopped on their arrival and Ron and Neil went off to investigate the City and also procure additional supplies of egg, bread, bananas and other healthy foods.  Ron telegraphically communicated with Andy (his Son) and arranged to meet him and Beks (his Girlfriend) at the Turf Tavern.  After showers they set off in the rain to meet up, where everyone enjoyed an evening and Ale and food.
   
• The festivities almost made the crew forget the harrowing day that they would have to endure the following day.  The troubled crew found sleep difficult.
   

Wednesday 6th July (Started with rain, but turned into a fine hot day, but again rain during the evening)

• The crew tried to stay asleep for as long as possible, trying desperately to delay the inevitable.  However, Neil's phenomenally productive porridge transformed them back to the fearless crew, that everyone expected.  It rained as they cast off, travelling through the very heart of Oxford.  The streets seemed deserted as the locals hid in fear knowing secretly that the crew could not possibly successfully navigate the dreaded Dukes Cut.
   

  The brave crew ignored the signs as they travelled further upstream

  The Oxford Fire and Rescue Services were scrambled in case of tragedy, but still the narrowboat continued.

  The lockkeeper at Kings Lock signalled for the crew to go back and abandon any attempt to go further.

  There was no going back, as the narrowboat turned into the virtually un-navigable waterway.

  Against all odds the brave crew eventually reached the rarely seen 'Duke's Lock' where they quickly familiarised themselves with the narrow lock operating procedures. Surely this indicated a successful transition of this torturous route.

  The end of Duke's Cut was reached, but it was blocked by a narrowboat with inexperienced crew. Quickly the crew found the cause of the chaos and fixed it.

   

• The crew were relieved to be on the Oxford Canal and quickly moored, whilst Ron prepared a healthy lunch of Smoked Mackerel Fillets, salad, coleslaw, with extra Pickled Onions.  The crew congratulated themselves on another dangerous section of the their mission completed.
   

  The narrowboat had suffered badly by travelling through the impossible conditions and Alan set about returning it to the 'Shipshape' condition, that they normally maintained.

  The brave crew were not perturbed by the strange 'coffin' shaped lock they encountered, refusing to accept that it may indicate some form of omen.

   

• Onward the narrowboat travelled through the unknown and little used Oxford Canal, hopeful of reaching Lower Heyford for the evening.  However, they did not know whether the locals were hostile or not and whether they had plans to scupper the mission at this late stage.
   

  FOILED - The eagled eyed crew were quick to spot a giant communication dish hidden amongst the trees.  They considered that this might have been built by the locals as a means of providing advance information regarding the location, speed and direction of the narrowboat.  Appropriate action was taken by the experienced crew. Note: No locals were hurt during the making of this Boat Log

  Soon the heavens opened, but the cunning crew were ready for even the worst of conditions.

   

• As the weather improved and the sun came out, progress towards Lower Heyford was rapid and the crew expected to moor there by 4:30pm.   With the significant successes of the day, life on board the Narrowboat 'Simone' returned to a comfortable level.
   

• The narrowboat drew into ideal moorings completely on schedule at 4:30pm, much to the relief of the brave crew.  Neil left the boat to attempt to procure, fresh milk, cherry tomatoes and coleslaw, but returned empty handed.  The other crew were dismayed at this feeble attempt!!!  However Neil redeemed himself, by suggesting a daring train excursion to Banbury, which caught the crew's imagination.  He calculated that departure would be required at 5:58pm, with a return at 9:38pm.
  
   

  The crew gathered on Heyford Railway Station (Platform 2) and awaited with excitement the arrival of their First Great Western train to Banbury (calling at Kings Sutton).

  The crew immediately rushed to observe the famous Banbury Cross and recalled with fond memories the associated nursery rhyme, before visiting "The Reine Deer Inn (Hook Norton Breweries) to enjoy several pints of Old Hooky.  Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross, To see a Fyne lady ride on a white horse. With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes, She shall have music wherever she goes.

   

• DISASTER OCCURRED - when the attractive barmaid advised that they served NO FOOD in an evening.  Although the crew were alarmed by this comment, they has secretly made alternative plans to eat at The Cromwell, where dinners of Gammon (except Alan & Neil) were enjoyed, with Ruddles County Ale (slightly short on head, but tasted good).
   
• At 9:38pm, and at a cost of £2-40 per head (with Seniors railcard), the crew were rapidly transported back to the Narrowboat, where coffee without cheese or biscuits were enjoyed.  The crew were aware that diesel fuel levels were dangerously low and Alan had investigated a possible procurement point at Aynho Wharf.  Failure to pick up sufficient fuel at this point would undoubtedly result in complete failure of the entire mission.  The crew were not comfortable with this fact and retired to their bunks in a quiet and concerned mood.
   

Thursday 7th July (Started with rain but turned into a fine hot day, with occasional showers)

• All the crew (except Alan and Ron) were troubled by the noise of express trains thundering past the canalboat most of the night.  They sampled Neil's particularly punctual porridge at precisely 8am, before casting off into the unknown.
   

• The captain announced that Aynho Wharf should be reached in approximately 3½ hours and that if the engine was used in its economical mode, the fuel supplies should just last, but several of the crew were not that sure.  Only one lock lay between the their current position and Aynho Wharf, but the crew knew this was the infamous 12 foot deep Somerton Deep Lock.   Panic spread throughout the crew, cured only by Alan's freshly prepared Toast with Marmalade (Thick Cut) and nerve calming coffee.
   

  No Disasters occurred within Somerton Deep Lock, but only because of the high skill levels used.  However Alan was not happy about being selected to drive the boat through, whilst the others stayed on shore!!

   

• Onward the narrowboat travelled towards Aynho Wharfe, but would they reach this point before their fuel tank ran dry??  The crew quickly prepared coffee with Hobnobs, which greatly helped the difficult situation.
   

  The crew were amazed to see that the locals were constructing a special Grandstand so that they could charge for spectators to watch the now famous narrowboat pass.  However, because of the incredible progress the crew had made, the grandstand was not finished, much to the annoyance of the locals.

   

• Due to the unbelievable narrowboating skills of the crew, Aynho Wharf was reached just before the fuel tank ran dry.  The staff were waiting ready to fill the craft with 155.4Lts of fuel at a mere £141-57 and also as a bonus filled their fresh water tanks.  The crew congratulated themselves on another disaster averted.
   

• DANGER AHEAD - British Waterways staff rushed to warn the crew that the lock gates at Grants lock were jammed and could not open wide enough to let boats through.  The cunning crew quickly formulated a plan, whilst Ron prepared Toasted Bacon Sandwiches.
   

  DISASTER AVERTED As Grants Lock approached the crew selected overdrive and pointed the boat directly at the jammed gates.  The British Waterways staff hid in horror knowing that this could be an enormous disaster.   However, with Neil driving, the heavy narrowboat burst through the gates opening the canal to normal traffic and again saving the mission.

   

• The narrowboat battled on in the hopes of reaching Cropredy for the night.  With full fuel and water tanks the crew were confident, forgetting though that they still had to pass through Banbury!!
   

  Banbury was busy as they patiently waited their turn at the Town Centre Lock

  Alan lifted the giant lift bridge to see that the centre of Banbury was jammed with sight-seeing boats.  The crew again refused to give autographs.

  CANAL BLOCKED Locals had tried to hinder the progress of the narrowboat by attempting to block the canal by a bridge.  However, the cunning crew using their advanced navigational skills were able to pass through the impossibly small gap.

   

• Four more locks lay between the narrowboat and Cropredy.  What more tricks might the locals try to jeopardise the mission?
   
• The crew moored well before Cropredy outwitting the locals once again.  Ron was sent on, on foot, in disguise, to check that the coast was clear, before the crew declared a satisfactory conclusion to the day's cruising and prepared for an evening in the village.  It had been noted that there were two pubs in the village and crew became quite excited about their penultimate evening out.
   
• The cunning crew quick set off for the 'Brasenose Arms', where Neil was delighted to discover Adnams Broadside on offer, albeit at £3-70 per pint.  The crew feasted on dinners of Salmon and excellent Curries (with trimmings).  Later they set off to check out 'The Red Lion' where their performance on the pub quiz was quite remarkable (some would say)!!
   
• The crew retired at an early hour, in anticipation of a heavy day's boating duties, in the morning.  Knowing that, should they be able to complete the day without too many disasters, then they would be able to return to their loved ones on Saturday afternoon.

Friday 8th July (Showers during the day with sunshine in between)

• The crew awoke in good mood, eager to test Neil's Penultimate Perfect, but Prudent Porridge.  They were dismayed that despite setting off at an early hour several other boats had already passed them and a queue was seen at the first lock, just round the corner in Cropredy.
   

• Life got better for the crew as 'one by one' the crews ahead of them gave up and moored in the face of the incredible pressure put on them by the efficient and competent crew of 'Narrowboat Simone'.   The crew enjoyed the very last of their toast and marmalade, knowing that this had exhausted most of their food supplies.
   

  DISASTER OCCURRED Conditions on board became desperate, when Neil's Arm became badly swollen, whilst peeling the last of their boiled eggs.  The crew feared the worst, but worried as to whether he would be able to complete lunch before he finally expired.

   

• The quartermaster reported that although food supplies were almost exhausted and there were no known shops between here and the end of the mission, supplies of coffee and hobnobs were good.  The crew, having reached top lock, therefore quickly prepared coffee with hobnobs, much to the satisfaction of the brave crew.
   

  DISASTER NARROWLY AVERTED Only due to the advanced senses of Ron, was major collision was averted, when a narrowboat, with inexperienced crew and no forward lookout, emerged from a narrow section of the canal at high speed. In order to calm the crew's nerves, Neil went to see what remaining food was left in the depleted stores.

   

• The crew were amazed when Neil presented a feast of boiled eggs, with salad, a little coleslaw, pickled onions and tiny pieces of cheese.  This was enjoyed with branston pickle and salad cream, together with the remaining cup-a-soups combined.  For afterwards, he had prepared a fresh fruit salad, using the remainder of the fruit (with three bananas left over).  This was eaten in relays so as to minimise any discomfort.

  Alan was quick to identify more spying activity by the locals, with the erection of a giant communications antenna.  The crew were not perturbed by this development.

  The crew were quick to notice large quantities of animals closely observing the activity of the narrowboat.  Most people would think these were just cows, but the shrewd crew knew that these were actually locals in disguise.  There is no fooling the highly intelligent crew!!!

  Before long the crew came across a long flight of locks, heading downwards, which they believed to be the Napton Flight.  As they entered the last lock they realised that they had completed the 173rd lock of the adventure.

  Neil was ecstatic on the realisation that the crew had completed the last lock (173) and a mileage of 270 miles in an incredible 2 weeks.   Surely nothing could go wrong between now and arrival back at the boatyard in the morning.

   

• The crew moored just below bottom lock at an amazing 4:15pm and awarded themselves tea and hobnobs.  They had observed 'The Folly' adjacent to bottom lock, with a sign showing "Under New Management".  The crew took this to indicate that the locals had finally admitted defeat against the triumphant crew and therefore chose to spend their evening at the establishment.  After well deserved rest they readied themselves and set off to celebrate their victory, against all odds.
   

  The crew arrived to at 'The Folly' to a heros' welcome.  They were presented with foaming pints of Old Hooky and fish dinners (except Neil).  It was accepted by the locals that the experienced crew were triumphant in their mission.

  On leaving 'The Folly' the crew were humbled to see that the locals has arranged for a giant rainbow to be placed in the sky, which ended not in a Pot of Gold, but on this occasion 'The Narrowboat Simone'.

   

• The crew returned to the narrowboat knowing for sure now that nothing could stop the complete success of their daring mission.  They retired to their bunks certain that the short journey to the boatyard in the morning would be free from disasters.  They drifted into well deserved sleep, dreaming of the next narrowboat adventure starting in just 2 months time on 3rd September.
  
  THE END

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