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THE ACTON BRIDGE EXPEDITION

22nd June - 6th July 2012

Friday 22nd June (Rain, Rain & getting better in the afternoon)

• The crew met at Alan's house at precisely 9:15am and after quickly loading their belongings into Neil's car they headed off into the unknown.  Despite reports of major problems on the M62, the authorities cleared a passage for the crew to reach Acton Bridge without undue delay.  Within a mile of the boatyard the crew located an excellent cafe where they were able to partake in a coffee, with a little light lunch, before heading into the boatyard.
   

• The boatyard staff were expecting the crew, who were pleased to note that the Narrowboat "Jessica" had been allocated for their immediate departure.  The usual stringent briefings were waived for the experienced crew and whilst the young lady finished the final touches to the boat, the crew loaded their belongings on board.
   

  They quickly settled into the familiar surroundings of the boat and Ron was quick to start the engine and carefully manoeuvre the narrowboat out of the tight moorings, much to the admiration of the boatyard staff who knew instinctively that their boat was in good hands.

   

• A DISASTER OCCURRED ALMOST IMMEDIATELY - when the crew realised that the boatyard staff had not left additional sheets, duvet covers and towels for the 2nd week.  Alan contacted the boatyard by the ship to shore telephone and the staff, anxious not to the delay the progress of the narrowboat, were quickly scrambled to meet the boat after the Anderton Marina.

  Ron was horrified to see the approach of the feared Saltesford Tunnel followed by the even longer and winding Barton Tunnel, but no disaster occurred

  The crew showed no fear as they passed the top of the Giant Anderton Boat Lift, knowing that later they might have to master this dangerous machinery

   

• At the appointed place and time the boatyard staff delivered the bedding and towels for the second week and the crew were confident that a disaster had been averted and knew that nothing else could possibly go wrong on the expedition.  They headed onward to reach their planned destination for the evening at Middlewich, some 4½ hours cruising from the start.
   

  DISASTER AVERTED - The crew were alarmed to see a narrowboat ahead of them on fire!!!!   They quickly stopped and using their advanced firefighting skills, rescued the occupants and extinguished the fire before continuing on their journey.  To minimise the stress Alan quickly prepared cups of tea for the crew, with just one Mars Bar Crispy each.

  After the stresses of the day the weather improved and cruising became idyllic.

   

• The narrowboat was moored in a delightful spot before "Big Lock" and the crew prepared for an evening of entertainment in Middlewich.  They secured the boat and left in great anticipation.  Alan quickly recognised Middlewich from their previous visits and guided the crew to "The Narrowboat" where they sampled a pint of very average EPA ale.  Not inspired by the menu the crew set off to find Kings Lock where they cunningly chose sirloin steaks at two for £12-95, together with Black Sheep ale.  When they left, they walked through the town calling in at "The Big Lock" where the crew were surprised to find a great improvement to the standard, compared with their previous visit a number of years ago.  The crew succumbed to much Jennings Cumberland Ale, before returning for coffee with small portions of cheese and biscuits.
   

• The crew were satisfied with their first day on board and retired to their bunks comfortable in the knowledge that they had met the challenges of the day and were looking forward to the demands of the days ahead.  Sleep came easy to the intrepid crew.

Saturday 23rd June (Dry and sunny, with an occasional shower)

• The crew awoke just before 8am and compared notes about an incredibly noisy party in a boat moored opposite, which had departed just after 4am!!!  Neil prepared party preventing porridge, much to the crew's great relief, before setting off on another groundbreaking day of their adventure.
   

  Incredible skill was demonstrated to the people of Middlewich as the crew operated the heavy lock machinery with ease.

  The crew were perturbed to see the entrance to the dreaded Middlewich Branch, on their right, knowing that only too soon they would have to navigate this torturous waterway

  The crew marvelled at the giant salt making machine, as they left Middlewich southwards and into the unknown.

   

• The narrowboat headed onward towards their planned stopping point for the evening at Rode Heath, but soon reached a long stretch of canal with numerous locks, that might slow their incredible progress.

  The crew were humbled to see that the authorities had constructed twin locks so as to speed the progress of their historic trip. However, their progress was so good that one of the locks had not been completed.  The crew did not complain.

  The crew were astonished to realise that several cars and lorries on the M6 motorway has stopped so that their occupants could catch a glimpse of the famous narrowboat and its crew.

   

• The crew's progress was so good that they decided to stop for a healthy salad lunch with just a little pork pie.  Over lunch they realised that reaching the village of Red Bull, near Kidsgrove was feasible, but only with considerable effort.  However, they all considered this to be worthwhile enabling them to get ahead of schedule.

  The crew were amazed to see a giant herd of cows lined up and waiting to see the famous narrowboat pass.   The crew graciously acknowledged the cows, unsure as to whether they were the locals in disguise.

  The locals had saved a special mooring position close to the "Red Bull" public house and the Narrowboat Jessica moored well ahead of schedule after its tortuous journey. The crew quickly posed for a group photo to hand out to the admiring locals

   

• Ron was sent ahead and booked a table in the Red Bull for 7:30pm, whilst the remainder of the crew rested and readied themselves for another evening of celebration.

  Characteristically the crew stopped to help unload a barge with emergency provisions for the locals by bringing back into use the Victorian cranes.   Only the crew were able to operate the complex machinery.

   

• The crew hurried to the Red Bull which was only a few hundred yards ahead.  They realised that the locals had especially built a water filling point adjacent, so that the crew could fill their depleted water tank in the morning.  The crew ordered pints of Robinson Unicorn ale and were then ushered to the specially reserved table where they enjoyed salmon dinners, except Alan (Haddock).
   

• The locals spoke of the feared "Harecastle Tunnel" (2935 Yds) starting only a few hundred yards away and the crew felt it necessary to walk down and view the North Portal.  However, they knew that the tunnel may not have been used for centuries and could collapse at any time.  They returned in silence to the Red Bull where they quickly ordered a further pint (except Neil) and sat in silent contemplation, before returning the boat, unable to face any Cheese and Biscuits.  Sleep was difficult for the troubled crew that night.

Sunday 24th June (Damp with light rain at times)

• The crew had listened to the rain beating on the roof all night, but awoke to find no rain, but very damp conditions.  Unable to face any of Neil's peaceful porridge they quickly and efficiently moved the boat down to the new water filling point and filled their fresh water tanks to the very brim, whilst the lock was readied for their passage.  They knew that just three locks lay between them and the Harecastle Tunnel.
   

• Alan quickly researched the Harecastle Tunnel only to find that it had been completed in 1777, but was closed in 1914 after subsidence.  A parallel tunnel was built some 50 years later, but again closed in 1977.  The crew had a dilemma.  They therefore moored at the entrance, whilst Neil prepared tunnel preparing potent porridge, together with toast using the last of their bread.
   

  The local tunnel keeper signalled for the crew to abandon their attempt of the tunnel, but after Neil's powerful porridge, the crew ignored his warnings, entering the tunnel at high speed with Neil in full control.

  Reports of a headless women ghost murdered in the tunnel seemed far fetched until 475 Yds into the doom this was witnessed.  The crew were terror stricken!!!

  Neil kept the boat straight and with full power the end off the tunnel was reached in a mere 26 minutes.  The locals were amazed by this incredible performance.

   

• Alan quickly prepared coffees and they shared the last of their Mar Bar Crispies in recognition of such incredible boatmanship, however they knew that the start of the feared Caldon Canal was only some 4 miles ahead of them.

  As the narrowboat passed through Stoke-on-Trent, the crew marvelled at the giant pottery kilns

   

• The turn in the Caldon Canal was easy, but only too soon they came across the first impossible obstacle - The Bedford Street Staircase Locks!!

  The crew adapted to the unusual lock equipment with ease, greatly impressing the locals who stood in awe.

  It was obvious to the crew that the locals were unable to grasp the complex locking process, so they quickly prepared a detailed instruction notice for them to follow.  The locals were eternally grateful.

   

• The Calden Canal proved impossible for a 70ft narrowboat to navigate with its tight turns and low bridges, but the crew managed with ease.  They stopped prior to a lift bridge to share their last of their Pork Pie salad, followed by fresh fruit salad, to gain extra strength, before Alan stopped all the traffic to raise the giant electrically operated lift bridge.
   

  The crew soon realised that the impossible conditions were not testing their skills to the limit and therefore agreed to take the Leek Branch, which was known to be even narrower and more winding!!   The crew remain confident throughout.

  The crew soon came across an impassable blockage in the canal, cunningly disguised by the locals as a roundabout.  Using their advanced skills, this obstacle presented no difficulty for the crew.

  The sight of the long, dark and narrow Leek tunnel indicated that they were close to their destination.  Ron guided the narrowboat through the tunnel in an exemplary manner, executing a perfect winding procedure at the end, before mooring.

   

• The crew were disappointed to note that the canal end was some considerable distance from the town and that the locals had built an industrial estate in their path to further complicate matters.  Advise from a local in a Morrisons petrol station confirmed that they were on the correct route and they quickly selected "The Engine Room" for their evening entertainment.  They enjoyed much Jennings Cumberland Ale with their meals, whilst watching England being defeated (just) by the Italians.
   

• The crew decided to take a short cut back to the boat, which involved walking in the dead of night along a disused railway line with long dark echoey tunnels.  Afterwards they considered that the short cut was considerably longer than the original route.  However, the gracious crew did not blame the Leek locals who they generally found to be polite and helpful.  They enjoyed their evening in Leek and retired to their bunks into a deep and relaxing sleep.

Monday 25th June (A bit cold and overcast at first, but turned into a hot and sunny afternoon)

• The crew rose early to enjoy Neil's pleasant and peaceful porridge.  Alan took the narrowboat back through much of the Caldon Canal and noted that the authorities had constructed especially impossibly tight corners by Bridges 13 and 14.  These proved quite testing for the crews with their 70ft narrowboat, but as usual they succeeded and were able to continue with their mission.
   

  As the crew's progress was so incredible, they caught out the Locals who, in their basic craft who were intending to decorate a bridge with bunting and flags to welcome the crew's passage.  The crew gratefully acknowledged their intentions.

   

• The crew reached the end of the Caldon Canal and stopped for a healthy Smoked Mackerel salad lunch, before turning back onto the Trent & Mersey Canal heading southwards.  They compassionately assisted a lone narrowboater through the next flight on locks, learning that he has lost his wife of 37 years only 2 weeks earlier.

  The crew marvelled at the giant Stoke rubbish incinerator as they left the town for nicer countryside.     The authorities were grateful when the crew advised them of the location of 2 stolen pottery kilns, cunningly hidden in a housing estate.

   

• The crew realised that with extreme effort they may be able to reach Stone for the evening, where they knew that a Morrisons was to be found, in order that they might replenish their stocks of Pork Pie, Bread and Smoked Mackerel fillets.  They also fondly remembered The Star public house where they had spent previous lazy evenings next to the lock.  They continued at great speed in the difficult conditions.
   

  Great jubilation was witness on board as narrowboat "Jessica" approached Stone, although they were aware that mooring was at a premium in the centre of the town.

   

• As they were so far ahead of schedule it was unlikely that the locals would have reserved them a space.  They therefore moored early and sent Ron on with a radio to report on the conditions.  As suspected there were few spaces available and the crew elected to remain in their current position.  They showered and readied themselves for a night in Stone.
   
• The crew hurried to the The Star and ordered 3 pints of Hobgoblin, which met with their full approval.  They were quick to spot a special 2 for 1 deal on a Monday night and cunningly ordered Gammon Steaks (with egg and pineapple), together with a cajun chicken at a total cost of only £15-90.
   
• After dinner they visited the town to establish the exact location of Morrisons and admired the neat paved streets and shops.  They noticed that Wetherspoons had moved into the old Post Office, but rejected any thoughts of purchasing any of their ale.  Instead they call in at The Swan on the way back, renown for their selections of Real Ales.  However, the crew's discerning tastes were not aroused by the ale purchased and neither was the live music considered worthy of staying longer, so they returned to The Star before walking back to the boat.

Tuesday 26th June (Warm with sun at first, but becoming overcast later in the day)

• The crew were anxious to start, after Neil's positive porridge, keen to moor near the town and procure additional provisions for the journey.  After the second lock they stopped briefly to fill their fresh water tanks, before continuing toward the town.  The shopping expedition to Morrisons proved fruitful, with additional supplies of milk, bread, pork pie, salad and porridge obtained, much to their obvious relief.  On returning to the boat they set off on the next stage of their mission.
   

• DISASTER OCCURRED when their passage was blocked by a barrage of hire boats that has escaped from the nearby "Canal Cruising Company" and were blocking the canal.  Other canal users were standing around in horror waiving the arms in great distress and waiting for the skilled crew to save them.  Quickly the crew tied the boats together and hauled them to the side of the canal using their immense strength.  The locals were again grateful to the intrepid crew for their actions.  The crew thought little of it and Neil prepared toast and marmalade, together with coffee as they continued on their journey.
   

  The local wildlife showed great excitement as the famous narrowboat passed.   The crew were grateful for this interest.

   

• As some light showers started, the crew moored at Weston-on-Trent for a light lunch of Hot Dogs with a little Pork Pie, accompanied with Cup-a-Soups.  The crew were greatly refreshed by this sustenance, but they knew that even this might not be sufficient to ensure that they would be able to accomplish the impossible turn at Great Hayward into the Staffs and Worcester Canal.

  Ron could not conceal his joy at achieving a successful turn into the Staffs and Worcester Canal, against all odds.

   

• The crew had decided to head for Penkridge for their evening's entertainment, but were only too conscience that it remained 4½ hours cruising away.  Would their make it, or would they be condemned to an evening without food or beer.
   
• MISSION SAVED - Whilst passing Bridge 98, the quick thinking Neil spotted "The Crown Carvery", where the crew remember a lunchtime changeover back in 2002.  They quickly moored adjacent to a BMW Mini dealer and noted that they had arrived in plenty of time, thereby saving the mission and the weary crew.  Ron managed to get the digital television operational and they watched some Wimbledon, with an excellent picture.
   

  It became apparent that the authorities were tracking the progress of the narrowboat from the air, but the crew were not perturbed, as they knew that had cunning plans that could be deployed with minimum notice.

   

• The crew showered and readied themselves to visit the carvery, where they enjoyed Marstons Pedigree ales and an incredible value Carvery with sweet for a mere £5-49.  The crew were pleased with their purchase and retired afterwards to the boat where after cheese and biscuits they retired and drifted into a deep sleep in the certain knowledge that their mission was on plan.

Wednesday 27th June (Warm and dry, turning really hot in the afternoon and evening)

• After a peaceful night, Neil's particularly palatable porridge was perfect for the crew's needs and they set off following another boat with less abled crew.
   

  DISASTER AVERTED - When the quick thinking crew were successful in taking avoiding action when a narrowboat, with inexperienced crew, came through a bridge at high speed without providing the necessary signals.

  The crew were grateful when again the authorities stopped all rail traffic on the West Coast Main Line, to minimise the stress on the crew.

  The crew showed great wisdom by filling with water at Penkridge

   

• Progress on the boat was amazing, as the boat in front eventually gave up trying to stay in the lead, suffering an overheating engine and traffic in the other direction enabled all the locks to be set and easy to operate.

  Cruising became relaxed in the warm weather, once they had passed Gailey Wharf lock .

  The crew were grateful to see that the locals has signposted their way, as they passed Hatherton Junction heading towards the infamous Autherley Junction, where they knew that had to make the perilous right turn into the Shropshire Union Canal.

   

• The skilled crew knew that Wheatley Aston was a possible stopping place for the night and knowing that it had a Spar shop open till 10pm, headed at full speed towards their destination.
   

  Dangerous Narrow Section The crew entered the very dangerous narrow section of the canal, near Coven Heath, close to Wolverhampton, safe in the knowledge that no other boats would be on a collision course.

   

• After the trauma of the "Narrows" the Narrowboat Jessica continued towards the infamous Autherley Junction - surely there could be no more disasters!!!

  On arrival at Autherley Junction the crew completed their check lists and stabilised their approach towards the impossible turn.  They were horrified to see a boat travelling towards them turn in front, without providing the correct signals.  To further insult the crew they promptly stopped beneath the bridge, completely blocking the crew's path.  The rear of the boat can just be seen in the picture opposite.  The crew took the necessary actions and avoided a disaster.

   

• Cruising on the Shropshire Union canal proved easy for the skilled crew, who quickly settled into a relaxed state.  They knew that barring any more disasters they would reach their planned destination at Wheaton Aston, for the evening.
   

• As expected the crew reached their destination in record time.  Ron went ahead after the last lock and located a superb mooring spot just a hundred yards from the Hartley Arms.  The crew showered and readied themselves for a night out, where they chose curry dinners with Banks Ales.  Neil was ecstatic to note that the pub stocked Harrogate Spring Water and the others were able to get little sense from him for the rest of the evening.  They watched to full time, the match Spain v Portugal on the large screen in the pub, before returning to the boat to watch the extra time and penalties.
   

• The crew were only too aware that the weather forecast for the following day was poor and although they were hoping to reach Market Drayton, they knew that they were so far ahead of schedule, that they could stay put for the whole day and still achieve their target for the mission.  The crew retired to their bunks very satisfied with their exceptional performance.

Thursday 28th June (Heavy Rain and Thunder during the morning, but turning better later)

• The crew awoke expecting rain, but were pleasantly surprised to find it dry, although there had been some rain during the night.  Neil served particularly plenipotent porridge to the pensive crew, greatly lifting their spirits, before setting off towards Market Drayton, some 7½ hours cruising away.
   

• Heavy rain, with thunder, soon engulfed the boat and the crew quickly and efficiently moored, whilst the worst of the weather passed.  Ron prepared toast for the hungry crew and used the spare time to prepare a fresh fruit salad for lunch, with extra banana.
   

  Great skill was demonstrated by the crew as they carefully negotiated a blockage in the canal, caused by a fallen tree.

  Despite the bedlam at Norbury Junction, the crew were able to fill their fresh water tanks with wholesome water to sustain their incredible progress. They remained satisfied with the performance.

   

• Would the weather hold up to enable them to reach Market Drayton for the evening or would they have to look for alternative stopping places and risking the success of the mission?
   

  The brave crew showed no fear even whilst crossing the Stretton Aqueduct.

  Judging by the size of the bridges, the crew feared high waters or giant tidal waves during this section of the canal, but no disasters were recorded.

  The crew successfully avoided the giant boat eating maggots during the narrow section in the dangerous "Woodseaves Cutting".

   

• The four Tyrley Locks, the only locks of the day, proved no problem for the crew as the narrowboat drew into Market Drayton at 5:30pm.  The crew quickly headed for Morrisons to obtain additional provisions.  They accurately located "The Hippodrome", the local Wetherspoons and called in for a pint of Abbott Ale (Except Ron), who valiantly agreed to take the provisions back to the boat.
   

• After showers the crew headed to "The Ambrosia d'Orient" chinese restaurant, where they enjoyed an Opal Banquet, much to their great approval.  Afterward they could only manage one pint of Abbotts, whilst watching the end of the Italy v Germany match, before returning to the boat.
   

• The crew felt that Nantwich might be possible for the following day, but realised that this would mean operating 34 locks.  They retired quietly to their bunks to contemplate the gruelling day ahead of them.

Friday 29th June (Dull with a few drops of rain, followed by hot sunshine for the rest of the day, but quite breezy)

• The crew were awoken at 6am by the sound of a narrowboat passing them at high speed.  They were instantly concerned that the Locals were trying to gain an advantage over them.  However, before they could react, realising that they were at the half way point of their mission, they knew that they would have to take on the dreaded task of changing their sheets and duvet covers.  Several hours passed before they emerged triumphant and proud of their new lumpy beds.
   

• Neil's positive and penetrative porridge empowered them to achieve even more during the day ahead and they rushed into action casting off and heading at full speed towards the Adderley flight of locks.   The crew spotted many helicopters in the air as they descended the locks, further arousing their suspicions.  But by the time they reached the giant flight of Audlem locks, there was no stopping them and the locals appeared in their hundreds to witness the event.
   

  The sight of the 'Shroppie Fly' at the end of the Audlem flight of locks indicated to the crew that they had won.  Nothing could beat the crew now - barring any disasters. They quickly stopped and prepared a healthy lunch of Hot Dogs (with French Mustard) and Cup-a-Soups.

   

• After the trauma of Audlem, life became more bearable for the crew and they relaxed on their journey through the Cheshire countryside towards Nantwich.  The crew managed the final section of their difficult day with ease passing the last two Hack Green Locks in record time.
   

  With immense effort they drew into Nantwich at an amazing 4:30pm, locating one of the best mooring spots available.  Quickly they deployed the television aerial so that they could watch the first two sets of the Federer v Benneteau match, before showering and readying themselves for an evening in Nantwich.

  They selected the Black Lion, enjoying "Grand Prix" ale and good quality food. They returned to the Black Lion later where they sat outside until a later hour.

   

• The crew investigated the rest of Nantwich, which looked a wealthy and lively town on a Friday night.  They quickly visited "the Shakespeare" where nine years earlier they spend an evening, but were disappointed by the atmosphere and ale on offer.
   

  Returning to the narrowboat they took time to check out the aqueduct crossing the main road into Natwich.  After a careful structural safety inspection, they deemed it satisfactory to cross the following morning, on the next stage of their mission, calling in at Chester.

   

• The crew felt that they had enjoyed their visit to Nantwich, but the stresses of the day meant that they were unable to partake in coffee or cheese and biscuits and retired to their clean sheets to rest in comfort.

Saturday 30th June (A sunny and hot day, with a bit of a breeze, with a few sharp showers)

• The crew awoke early, anxious to start their journey onto the Chester branch of the Shropshire Union.  They had chosen to ignore the warnings given to them by other narrowboaters of the foolishness of such a trip, but they were confident of their skills.  They set off regardless, after Neil's prompt and prevoyant porridge, into the unknown.
   

  Within minutes vast numbers of locals arrived on bicycles to guide the narrowboat on its treacherous journey.  The crew were sceptical of their intentions, but waved graciously to the adoring fans.

  The crew studied the Barbridge Junction carefully for memorising the geometry and approach angles, knowing that they would have to take this turn in only a couple of days.

  Very quick the crew encountered immense queues at the Bunbury Staircase locks.  Boaters were standing in despair, desperately trying to get their boats through the impossible obstacle.  The skilled crew quickly took charge of the situation instructing 3 boats to enter the lower chamber with a complex transfer between the lower and upper chambers.  The manoeuvre worked perfectly and the queues were no longer, much to the appreciation of all concerned.

   

• The feared "Iron Lock", built due to the shifting sands in the area, proved no problem for the skilled crew and they were quickly on their way without any disasters.
   

• The crew moored at a position with a good view of the giant Beeston Castle (just in case), to enjoy a power giving lunch of Pork Pie, Salad, with extra ham.   As a direct result of this excellent lunch they felt empowered to continue on their difficult journey towards Chester.
   

  The crew were humbled to see that the locals had laid on a party boat in honour of the famous crew. However, they quickly recognised a spy boat with 'eyes'.

  The compassionate crew came to the assistance of a hire craft with 11 females on board.  Despite risking the progress on the mission, Ron assisted the craft through numerous locks, until they reached their final destination.

  DISASTER OCCURRED Whilst the crew were congratulating themselves that no disasters had occurred since Wednesday, a disaster occurred when Ron fell into the canal, whilst gallantly helping another craft with inexperienced crew.  Although Ron was very wet, the other crew showed little pity for him.

  The skilled crew cunningly found an ideal mooring spot in the middle of Chester.  They felt need of some rest after the traumas of the day and prepared cups of tea to relax themselves.

   

• However, within minutes of arriving a young lady dragged Neil off to the local drinking establishment, much to the concern of the other crew.  Within minutes it transpired that James, Neil's Boss, had conspired to arrange this liaison and quickly setup a social situation much to the advantage of the other crew.

  The crew greatly enjoyed the evening with James's friends.   Neil was puzzled as girls fell to their knees, presumably in recognition of his incredible boatmanship

  Neil was powerless to resist the attentions of the young ladies and found the situation to his liking.

  Considerable ale was consumed by Neil during the evening and he retired to the boat in a quiet and consoled manner, much to the surprise of the other crew.

   

• Neil seemed unable to enjoy any of the cheese and biscuits on offer at the boat and retired to his bunk after spending much time in the loo.  The other members of the crew showed little pity for him.

Sunday 1st July (A mainly sunny and warm day with no rain until very late in the evening)

• The crew awoke late in the morning after the excesses of the previous night, which they all decided was a memorable and enjoyable time.   As the progress of the narrowboat was so incredible, they awarded themselves a day of rest to further enjoy the delights of Chester.
   

• After a lazy day, the crew felt much refreshed and were eager to "Hit the Town" once again.  Following a recommendation, the crew hurried to The Mill Hotel, where after crossing the canal in the Hotel's own enclosed bridge, they found the last remaining table in the corner near the television where the the Euro Final had just started.  They drank Wychwood Ale (except Neil) and watched Italy slaughtered by Spain.  Much to the delight of the other crew, Alan negotiated fried eggs, in addition to the pineapple, on their Gammon Steaks, except Alan, who opted for a Chicken Curry.
   

• Despite light rain when they left the hotel, they checked out the other canalside bars, which were becoming quiet on the Sunday evening, without succumbing to further ale.   They returned to the boat, declining coffee, cheese or biscuits and retired to their bunks, vowing to rise early in the morning to reach Ellesmere Port before lunch.

Monday 2nd July (A dull day with a lot of rain)

• The crew awoke at an early hour eager to leave Chester and arrive at Ellesmere Port.  Neil's playful, but palative porridge powered the crew into action and they were underway by 8am, heading northwards out of Chester.
   

• The Northgate triple staircase locks were no obstacle to the crew who handled them with speed and precision.
   

• Two hours of cruising, following 2 other narrowboats, brought the crew into Ellesmere Port, where they moored in the limited space with great accuracy.
   

  They were anxious to get into the National Waterways Museum to further increase their knowledge.

  It transpired that the staff at the museum were at their 'wits end' having got a giant barge stuck in an impossible position in the middle basin.  They fell at the feet of the crew as they arrived, knowing that only they would be able to save the desperate situation.  Quickly the crew took full control of the situation and using their immense strength and advanced manoeuvring skills, quickly had the barge safely tied up.  The staff were eternally grateful to the crew, who dismissed the situation as being just part of their mission.

  The crew quickly made their way to the Engine Room where they set about refurbishing many complicated engines, leaving them in excellent working condition.

  The grateful museum staff offered the crew the picturesque lower basin for their full use, for as long as they wanted, but they graciously declined knowing that the success of their entire mission required them to start the difficult return journey.

  After providing the crew with a hearty meal of Cornish Pasty, with cake afterwards, the museum staff waived goodbye to the famous crew, as they took one last longing look towards the Manchester Ship Canal, vowing to master this waterway, as soon as the authorities recognise their advanced navigational skills.  What will it take to convince them!!

   

• The crew battled again difficult weather conditions on their return journey towards Chester.  However, in record time they drew into the outskirts of Chester.

  The crew experienced a dilemma when travelling through Tower Wharf.  Which is the correct route?  One route would take them to Chester and safety, whilst the other would take them on the treacherous Dee Branch and certain death in the fast flowing river.  Instinctively they chose the left route and lived to tell another tale.

  Neil through his arms up in terror, as Alan directed another narrowboat into the top chamber of the dangerous Northgate Staircase locks, while he was ascending.  Surely there will be a disaster !!!!   However a careful passing procedure was accomplished, much to the amazement of the locals.

   

• Ron was despatched on foot with a radio and quickly located a 70ft mooring location close to where they spent the previous night.  The crew moored, prepared a cup of tea, without Hob-Nobs and congratulated themselves on yet another successful day.
   

• The crew readied themselves for yet another night of food and drink in the delights of Chester.  They quickly headed for a delightful canalside establishmant called "The Lock Keeper", where after ordering 3 pints of Bombardier at £3-50/pint, were told that they were not doing food!!!!  Quickly drinking up they headed into the centre of Chester, where Ron cunningly located "The Square Bottle", the Chester Wetherspoons establishment.  Here they ordered Steak Dinners (except Alan) together with inclusive free drinks.  The crew were pleased with their choice.
   

• Afterwards the crew were keen to view the treacherous River Dee, that, so nearly they might have taken their lives.  Instinctively the crew knew the correct route to the River and stood at the bank in amazement, thankful that they were spared this fate.   In a thoughtful mood the crew returned to the boat, but only Ron and Alan could face any coffee, and then again only in small mouthfuls.  Surely the rest of their mission could not prove to be as dangerous as today!!  They went quietly to their bunks without speaking and sleep came slowly to the troubled crew.

Tuesday 3rd July (A warm, but dull day, with no rain!!)

• The crew were anxious to get underway after the traumas of the previous day.  Neil's Polyatomic, but slightly Pretentious porridge, commanded the crew into action, as they set off at full speed towards the series of giant locks heading southwards to Barbridge Junction.  Characteristically they shared the locks with another (small) Black Prince narrowboat with a crew from Florida, guiding them on their way until they dropped back with total exhaustion due to the blistering pace.
   

  Even the carelessly moored British Waterway workboats failed to slow the determined crew as they sped on their way

  .

  As the narrowboat again passed the feared Beeston Iron Lock, a delegation of locals arrived consult the crew.  They had seen the crew pass through the lock with ease, some days earlier and were pleading for some instructions to help others through this difficult obstacle.  The crew felt sorry for the locals and therefore quickly prepared an instruction notice and affixed it adjacent to the lock.  The locals were grateful.

   

• The cunning crew spotted diesel on offer at only 83p/Litre as they passed a boatyard at Bunbury and cunningly filled with 152 Litres.  The boatyard staff were pleased to have been of service to the crew and wished them well on the remainder of their mission.

  Whilst passing the Bunbury Staircase lock, the crew helped a lone canoeist (with outboard engine) up the locks, as they knew he would not have managed on his own.  He was grateful for their valuable assistance. At the top of the lock the crew stopped for a healthy Pork Pie salad lunch with extra coleslaw, followed by fruit salad, and the last of their blueberries.  The crew were relaxed about their morning's performance, but conscious that no contact had been received from the authorities!!

  Despite being hidden in a tree, the crew were quick to recognise the new communication aerials had been erected by the authorities to track their route.   They also spotted spies located in the Beeston Castle, but knew that they could still deploy their secret weapon at short notice.

  .	They acted calmly, pretending that they had not noticed the plans of the authorities to attempt to scupper their mission and waited for the right time to deploy their weapon.

  Without a care in the world the crew filled their fresh water tanks at Calverley with wholesome water.  However, secretly they remained fully alert and were awaiting a move by the authorities!!

   

• They moored in a delightful, but slightly noisy location adjacent to the A51 to Crewe, awaiting the signal to deploy their ultimate weapon.  Would it be today or would they wait until tomorrow?  Only the skilled crew knew the ideal time!!!
   

• They readied themselves for an evening at the Olde Barbridge Inn and set off finding the walk was longer than expected.  They arrived remembering the place to be exactly as before after the crew had explored the Montgomery Canal some years earlier.  However, the food had gone upmarket and was quite expensive and it appeared that they new brewed their own ale, which was to their liking.  The crew all enjoyed Tuna Niҫoise and agreed that the quality was good, although the rest of the establishment perhaps had not kept up with the improvements in the kitchen.
   

• After a walk around the district, they returned to the boat, unable to get a satisfactory picture on the television and finishing the last of the cheese and biscuits.  They went they bunks acutely aware that Barbridge Junction would have to be negotiated in the morning, not knowing what other dangers tomorrow might bring.

Wednesday 4th July (A warm, but dull day, with a little rain!!)

• The crew were awake early, unable to rest, knowing the incredible dangers that lay ahead of them.  Although they knew that their expedition was drawing to a close, they were only too aware that the authorities could end it all at any time.  The crew remained perplexed at the complicated formulas used by Neil to produce his peptic porridge for the crew each morning.  Today was no different and the re-enlivened crew set about their tasks before getting underway.
   

• The accurate measurements taken earlier in the week paid dividends as the narrowboat took the Barbridge Junction with perfection, much to the admiration of the locals.
   

  As the narrowboat cruised past the Aqueduct Marina, the crew fondly recalled a previous adventure on the "Stealth" narrowboat, which had terminated at this location.

  .

  The crew were alarmed to see some workmen attempting, unsuccessfully, to remove the deep pilings from a disused landing stage.  It was obvious to the crew that they were unable to operate the crane effectively and they quickly swung into action with incredible speed and efficiency. Once the work was complete, Alan prepared toast and marmalade for the crew with coffee.

  DISASTER AVERTED Despite a British Waterways van stopping to desperately warn an approaching narrowboat, crewed by inexperienced Scandinavians, of impending disaster, they continued at high speed under the bridge.   Ron took the necessary avoidance actions, thus saving the crew.

  The crew were pleased to note that the locals had again contacted Network Rail and arranged for all the trains on the West Coast Main Line to come to a halt, so that the narrowboat could pass safely.

  The crew were horrified to find several giant BWB work boats drifting loose on the canal.  They quickly swung into action jumping fearlessly on board and using their immense strength bringing the boats to the side and safely tying them up. The locals were again grateful to the crew, who casually acknowledged them before preparing coffees, without HobNobs.

  Pandemonium was witnessed on arrival at Middlewich, when numerous boats came out to greet the famous crew.  Cunningly Ron made his incredible sweeping outside turn manoeuvre, leaving the crowds in awe.  They quickly moored to fill with water whilst Ron prepared a Smoked Mackerel lunch, with Cup-a-Soups, followed by fresh strawberries.

   

• The crew were so pleased with their excellent mooring position in Middlewich that they decided not to proceed further.  Instead they chose to learn more about the locals of Middlewich, by visiting their shops, watching Wimbledon and looking forward to visiting "The Big Lock" in the evening.  However, the crew remained vigilant in case of action by the authorities.
   

• The "Big Lock" met with the crew's expectations, with good food, washed down with "Red Squirrel" ale.  The locals even laid on a quiz for the crew afterwards, but the gracious crew deliberately entered numerous incorrect answers, so as not to embarrass their hosts.  The crew returned to the boat knowing that the giant Anderton Lift and dangerously rough River Weaver lay before them the next day.  No cheese or biscuits remained on board for the crew, who nibbled nervously on a few crisps before retiring to their bunks.

Thursday 5th July (A very hot and sunny day)

• The crew awoke to a warm and sunny day, much lifting their spirits.  However, even Neil's penultimate porridge didn't lift them, when they realised that this was to be their last full day on board and perhaps the most dangerous yet.  They cast off early, quickly operating the only lock of the day before heading onwards towards Anderton.
   

  .	Their suspicions were raised when they spotted a hastily converted Torpedo Boat.  However their speed meant that the authorities were ill prepared to take on the skilled crew.

  Within seconds they came across an unfortunate boat that, they considered, may have been used as target practice by the torpedo boat. The crew felt compassion for the homeless crew of this craft.

  .

  The crew select 'Stealth Mode' as they passed giant weapons establishment on either side of the canal.

  .	The crew were suspicious when giant aircraft flew low over the narrowboat, but they resisted the temptation to deploy their ultimate response.

  Only too quickly the giant Anderton Lift came into view and the crew booked their passage on the dangerous machinery. Before they could face the stress they quickly returned to the boat and prepared a nourishing salad lunch with the remainder of the smoked mackerel fillets and a little pork pie, but no pickled onions.  The crew felt that cup-a-soups were not appropriate!!

  .

  The crew were again humbled to see that the locals had erected a stage, together with a bar, for the crew to address the crowds, but pressed for time they had to decline.

  .

  The crew were pleased that the machinery worked perfectly and that they would not have to undertake any repairs for the locals

  .	The crew were alarmed to see the rough and dangerous conditions on the River Weaver, but were confident of their skills.

  .

  Conditions of the River Weaver improved as they mastered the difficult situation.

   

• Before long a call was received from the locals, about the terrible conditions back on the Trent and Mersey Canal, with difficulties being encountered by craft attempting the infamous Salterford Tunnel.    The crew responded to their pleas and quickly ascended the Anderton Lift and headed at full speed to the tunnel.
   

  .

  The crew were alarmed find several craft, with inexperienced crew, stuck in the tunnel.  Quickly they set about their standard tunnel rescuing procedure, saving the crews and savaging all the craft, much to the admiration of the locals.   They graciously declined payment and quickly prepared cups of tea with the last of their Hob-Nobs

   

• Only a short distance and one further tunnel lay between them and their planned mooring location for the evening.  An ideal mooring spot was found and the crew relaxed for the first time on the entire mission, knowing that they had not had to use their ultimate weapon against the authorities.  Surely they must now admit defeat!!!

  Within seconds the signal came and they knew they had succeeded, with a Chinook salute from the authorities. .

   

• The crew looked forward to their final meal together, before returning the boat to the boatyard in the morning.
   

  .

  As the crew set off down the narrow footpath towards the Leigh Arms, they were amazed to see: A giant field of Porridge Oats They were certain that this must be an omen to urge the famous crew to make more missions on the dangerous Inland Waterways of Great Britain.  The continued to the pub with added vigour.

  The crew enjoyed Fish Dinners (except Neil & Ron), accompanied with Robinsons Ales (except Neil).

   

• Afterward the locals laid on live entertainment for the crew.  However, although they looked relaxed, we all know that they were secretly planning their next epic narrowboating mission.

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